Our afternoon of April 28th was spent being part of a simple yet beautiful, intimate outdoor wedding. Everyone and everything were lovely and excited, and so was I, as I eagerly waited for my best friend (since first grade!) to finally marry her boyfriend and baby daddy. ♥
As the ceremony started, I was ushered by the bride's uncle to a seat positioned right across where the guests were seated, a few feet away from the altar. I was chosen by my best friend to be one of the witnesses in her wedding thus the distinct separation from the others who attended as guests. I got quite surprised because I didn't expect that where I'd sit would be so visible to everyone who came.
Realizing this, self-consciousness began seeping through my brain. People everywhere had cameras stuck to their hands, clicking the shutter button again and again and again, trying their best to capture every moment of the wedding. For a minute I started to become fidgety because I was wearing a short, black dress, and my legs weren't freshly shaved. I began to fretfully fix my posture and the way I sat, making myself aware if there was someone taking a photo that included me, so I could angle myself better (because at that point I was so conscious of how I'd appear in the photos, I wanted to look good in every single one--which was actually impossible considering the fact that there where 3 official photographers plus all the other bunch who had their point and shoot cameras! HAHAHA).
But then, all the tension and the self-consciousness immediately took a back seat when I realized that I was at a beautiful wedding on a beautiful late afternoon. I snapped out of it. I came back to my senses. My best friend since first grade, Trish, is getting married. The one I played Chinese garter (I remember she would always be the "savior" because she's such an expert at the game) and patintero with, the one I hid under a makeshift "clubhouse" made of blankets and pillows with, the one I experienced the pains of puberty with, the one I got kikay with, the one I went to clubs and parties with, and the one I can just completely be myself with, is getting married.
So I told myself I wouldn't let the growing hair on my shin or my bad angle in photos get in the way of being fully present in the wedding of my best friend. I began to shift my focus to the bride and groom, and the wonderful Thursday afternoon that will commence their lifelong commitment to love each other unconditionally.
When the vows (that left me sniffing, teary-eyed, and smiling all at the same time) had been said, after the groom and the bride shared a sweet kiss, and the second the wedding ceremony was over, a bunch of dolled up girls started whipping out their mirrors and started redoing their faces. I didn't mind it at all, but the supposed quick fix turned into a longer session of primping, and they were still at it even after the mother of the bride invited the guests to move to the reception. Danah caught me looking--okay fine, she caught me staring (in awe and befuddlement)--and told me that they've been like that the entire time during the ceremony. She told me that they've been checking their faces and their hair from time and time and it was a bit distracting (and disturbing, if you come to think of it. I mean, their faces wouldn't fade or rearrange or something, so why the fuss?).
I'm not to hate or judge girls who are overly self-conscious, because as I've shared with you, it still has its way of getting to me too, but only rarely, on some occasions (and I'm glad it only lasted for a few minutes the last time!). You see, I used to be extremely self-conscious about my weight, my hair, my skin--in short, everything about my appearance. But body appreciation has been my saving grace from ALL of my negative body issues. It affirmed me that we are all different, hence, comparing one's body to others is futile. It made me see all the wonderful things that my body can do for me, and it made me grateful--a complete opposite of the whining, mean person that ridiculed and hated my body way back when body appreciation was in limbo in my life.
I used to be self-conscious. But now, I laugh and point at self-consciousness jeeringly in the face (see photo above). I don't let it hinder me from doing anything that I want anymore. Shoving self-consciousness hard making it land on its little restless butt liberated me. It gifted me with days when I can leave the house in my shirt-shorts-unshaven-legs-and-espadrilles outfit (it couldn't be clearer how much Danah hates this look on me :P She rolls her eyes every time she sees me in this outfit! HAHAHA! KEBER!), without any makeup (hello blemishes!), and without ironing my hair--in other words, days I call days when I'm feeling too cool to care about how I look. BUT (!!!) don't get me wrong, I know we tell you girls to make yourself look good to feel good and vice versa, but when you start becoming too worrisome and obsessive on how you look, then I honestly think it's a red flag for excessive self-consciousness. Though it may seem innocuous, eventually it could lead you to investing so much time, money, and effort on very shallow things that do not even last. Self consciousness can hinder you from striking a conversation with someone who could share the same passion for music like you do. It could prevent you from hearing a beautifully written vow at a wedding. It could paralyze you from the fear of sharing your talent that the world is dying to watch unfold. Self-consciousness seems to be something so shallow, and yet, as clichéd as it may sound, it could let you regret later from missing the moments that give true joys in life.
I'm writing this because I just want you girls to realize that you are so much more than your looks. You can be pretty AND SMART. You can be a gorgeous woman AND A GREAT WRITER. You can be cute AND GOOD IN SPORTS. You can be beautiful PLUS so many other adjectives. Don't strive to be just one, to be just beautiful (physically). Besides, as what we've always believed in this blog, you don't have to look perfect to be beautiful. Your imperfections make you interestingly beautiful. ;)
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Before I go, here's the obligatory Outfit of the Day photo! ;)
Black dress, necklace, bangles Forever 21 | Studded flats Payless | Shades Mango
Keep loving thy awesome self,
Stacy
P.S.: In case you were wondering, the intimate Christian wedding took place in Tian-Di Spa, Barangay Addition Hills, San Juan City. And all the wedding photos posted were grabbed from the online wedding album of the bride. :)