I am AWESOME at size 10.

Submitted by: Carl Vanessa Garcia

MANTIKA! BAKA! PIGGYYY WIGGGYY! THE LITTLE GIANT!

Imagine having to hear that all over the corridors at 7 in the morning with nothing but your Hello Kitty stroller, glitzy lunchbox, and a shattered self-confidence. Bullying, after all, is legal in highschool or gradeschool or kindergarten. Anything beyond that should be imposed against the law, or in my own point of view, should be eradicated from the phase of the earth. Fair enough 'ey?

L-R: The sexy writer, her friend, and her twin sister

Imagine having to have a taste of both worlds, being plump and being lean; feel the weight of vanity’s judgment written all over the society but still feel adequate, fulfilled, and confident at the end of the day. I went over a transition before, a big one that is. I lost weight , a lot of it, then I gained back, half of it. Which to lay away with mathematical terms, brings me close enough to the size I was before. Am I scared that the bullying will never stop? No. Am I anxious that people will still fit me under the category of “chubby” and “plump”? No. Is there any reason for me not to accept myself now because I wasn’t able to maintain what I had before?--- Okay. Stop right there. This makes me think a lot because, would the basis of self-acceptance be on how the society treated and is still treating me? I think that’s overrated. I was in a happy place before, but I was fragile, careful, composed and I wanted to push myself to be normal--I wanted too much of normality. But to be this size, far away from normal--it’s actually better, the best even. You get to develop a personality, an image, a silhouette that’s uncategorized by society but recognized the most. You get to be different in the most beautiful way possible. You get to realize that in any dress size and in any kind of tape measure, you won’t let it consume you just because these things don’t really matter at all, they shouldn’t matter in the first place.

Yes, my body changed. I tried losing weight again but happy hours and dine-all-you-can are two loyal best friends after a bad day. Yes, I can be distinguished in that crowd of models I do make-up for. Yes, I can be large in a country where people are short and thin. Yes, I still am referred occasionally as different in the most unique way possible. And really, life’s all good at the tail of this tape measurement because at the end of the day, I have this fulfilled self-worth that no matter where I am placed, I still can achieve something. I still can make a change. I still can work out the little black dress, leopard wedges, and MAC Russian Red lipstick, and I don’t have to require myself to go on a strict diet just to feel fabulous inside those things. I still mean something to the society, to the world, to my friends, to my family and to my MAN. It’s a tough world out there and perfection can be judged as something to be seen but not felt. Well, not in my world because from where I’m looking at, perfection doesn’t exist, only a genuine character. After all, Audrey Hepburn didn’t say in Breakfast at Tiffany’s that you have to be a size 0 to wear a sexy black dress and be fabulous right? The only way to realizing self worth is actually embracing what you have and see only yourself, and not that plastic little perfect world out there.