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2012.
The year I turned 21. The so-called official age of “adulthood” (which I highly doubt). I never expected how much of a hodgepodge of experiences this year would be. It has been crazy, it’s had its ups and downs—some I would love to throw in limbo—but nevertheless, 2012 has taught me so much, and I am certain that every thing that happened to me this year has a purpose. It will all unfold someday.
I decided to make a list of everything I’ve learned, just so I won’t forget and do the same mistakes over again and realize that I’ve actually already learned from it and get pissed at why I still committed the same stupid slip and end up regretting why I didn’t make a list in the first place. :D
1. The only validation I need is from myself. Everyone around me can be rooting for my victory, but if I myself don’t believe that I can, their cheers are futile.
2. I can’t trust everybody. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be suspicious of every human being around me, but it just means I can’t disclose everything to everyone. In order to know who I can trust, I should trust time to reveal to me who those few, worthy people are.
3. Friends come and go. I know it should be people come and go, but allow me to be more specific. It dawned on me how real this statement is. Sometimes, as we grow, we become different, and sometimes people get uncomfortable with unfamiliarity. I have to accept this as an inevitable part of life, and no matter how hard I try to reach out and keep the friendship alive, if the other person is not willing to extend his or her hand anymore, then I’ve just got to let it go—without any grudges.
4. Being alone isn’t always a bad thing. I haven’t really had the chance to be alone and single for quite a long time, and now that I am in fact, alone and single, I can definitely attest to how NOT bad it is. I am enjoying it actually, because I am rediscovering my identity and it’s been an adventure. I never fail to surprise myself in different circumstances.
5. Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should. ‘Nuff said.
6. I can be mindlessly living. I woke up one day realizing I am not in control of my life, but my routine is. I’ve been so accustomed to the banality of everyday life that it has got me running on auto-pilot mode. It’s true what they say, living is far different from being alive. Taking control is key.
7. I can’t just wish for things to be how I want it to be and translate it as “being hopeful”. Specially when I’m not doing any damn thing to get to where I want to be. It’s just really all about hard work and determination. There is no other formula to achieve my dreams.
8. I am someone, and that means I matter. Regardless of how I look, how much I have, and what I know, I am someone. I have a voice, I matter, and it’s up to me how I will use this to inspire change, in whatever way I can.
9. I can trust myself. I used to doubt myself a lot and think that I always need the counsel and guidance of someone else to get things right. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always good to listen to other people’s words of wisdom, but as a 21-year-old woman (girl), I’ve realized that sometimes, I need to learn to trust myself, stick to my decisions, and be responsible for whatever the outcome will be. I did it once, and when things turned out beautifully, that giddy, happy feeling of knowing for a fact that I made a good decision is priceless. On the other hand, if things don’t turn out so well… We live and learn.
10. The only thing that will be consistent in my life is God and His abundant grace. I have fallen and I have failed, and I have condemned myself so many times for falling and failing. But always (ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!!), at the end of the day, God always assures me that he loves me still—to the brim—NO MATTER WHAT. PERIOD! It’s amazing how He makes me realize that He’s not the one putting the pressure on me to be perfect and good all the time, it has always been myself. God doesn’t care how many times I fail, all He wants is for me to receive His grace every time I do, and just get back on my feet, take His hand, and continue the journey.
11. Joy and peace can’t be bought. (I bet a lot wished it could be, though.) June 2012 marked my first year as a
12. Finding someone attractive and interesting who finds you attractive and interesting is NOT a go signal to date, much less start a relationship. I know that people these days use “dating” as a casual means to do what real life couples do without the commitment. I know, because I’ve been there. And to me, this kind of set up will eventually leave one (or even both) hurt in the end. So I would want to be alone until I find someone who’s not just good enough to be with as of the moment, but someone I can really see myself sticking it out with in the long run (and I have a pretty strong feeling that that’s gonna happen light years from today).
13. Sometimes, I’m my own worst enemy. I can be real good at discouraging myself, but what’s important is to be able to distinguish when I’m telling lies and when I’m speaking the truth about me. I’ve read in a book that often times, we already know the truth, but we choose to wrap our heads in lies that we perpetually force ourselves to believe as truths. The reasons? There are a lot. But I think one is convenience. It’s easier to accept defeat and be a victim than fight and be conquerors of life.
14. Stick to my values. I may fall short and make stupid mistakes, but those aren’t good enough reasons to let go of my values and what I stand for completely. This goes back to my actualization that God’s grace is sufficient, and I can always get back on my feet, try to live righteously, and not feel guilty about any of my sins. After all, I’m forgiven, and He doesn’t hold a single mistake that I’ve made against me. :)
-S