I like my face. I am happy with it. Even if it is not a face that will look stunning if I had a G.I Jane look and shaved all my hair off. I am good to go with this face of mine. I know I am beautiful because God made me so. Thank You, God. But if I could be my own sculptor, (but then again, no) I’d make myself taller by 3 inches and be 5'7" , but then I’d probably be more narcissistic than I used to be and make fun of all the short people. But more than my height, it was my thunder thighs I detested. It was out of proportion. Everything was slim, then all of a sudden, gargantuan thighs pop out that look like it belonged to someone else. My mother used to say I’m like a manananggal, ‘cos it seems my upper body landed on the wrong lower body. It was a mismatch. I could never wear skinny jeans--and if I did then in the '80s with my one and only purple denim washed Freego Dweedo--it wouldn’t look skinny anymore. So I ended up settling with my harem pants, long bohemian skirts, and drawstring pants with matching neon kung-fu shoes which I got from Nathan Road in Hong Kong.
My jiggly thighs had to be concealed. You wouldn’t wanna look at them anyway. Forget the shorts. I weighed 135 pounds then and had thighs like that.
Three kids and many years after, with my delivery weight at 202 lbs., my thighs swelled further. It felt like it had a world of its own. So when I first heard about liposuction , I immediately, with no hesitation, wanted to do it so I could fulfill my life long dream to wear jeans. A P76k birthday gift to myself. They sucked out 5 liters of what seemed to be chicken fat from my upper thighs. So from a 27-inch thigh, it shrunk to a 22… Wow. I was elated. Now my body felt like they all fit together. I ran to the store when I recovered and wore all kinds of jeans because I finally could.
Of course the lust for perfection doesn’t end there. I then started noticing my waist, hips, and upper arms were not proportioned to my new and improved thighs so I had that lipo’d as well.
Boy, was I so proud of my body.
To maintain it, I had to change my diet. But after a few years, somehow, the weight crept back in so I had to do a stomach liposuction again. I enjoyed it for awhile, then the fat crept back in again… then lipo again. 3 times on the tummy area--the maximum.
So I realized in 1995 I had to exercise. The weight came back--all in the other places. I'm turning 47 soon. I’m changing and maturing. Metabolism slowing down. Hair turning grey. Smile lines starting to appear. I’m still beautiful but I am getting old. Not a spring chicken anymore.
I am back to my old weight of 155. That was my pre-lipo weight. I gained it all back. I still wanna lose weight but the reasons have changed. It is no longer just aesthetics.
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I want to take care of it so I can enjoy God’s blessings for me as I approach the “autumn” [season] of my life. I want to be able to walk with my children when we travel together and not be left behind huffing and puffing, crawling behind them. I have repented of my spiritual rebellion and accepted God’s design for my body and purpose, and have promised to take care of it by loving it and not hating it. I don’t have to kill myself to be a size 4 because I have big bones and I will never be something I wasn’t meant or born to be. Learning to love yourself, thighs and all, is appreciating God’s gift to you. Be yourself. That is the greatest token of gratefulness to your Creator. After all, there’s only one you.
There’s only one person with this face, and these thighs.
And I finally love her.
-The writer is married with three children. She now aims to honor her body like never before through healthy eating and exercising. No more pressure. By the way, all the jeans are now in storage and she’s back to her old oriental loose comfy look and lovin’ it. After all, that’s who she really is to begin with.