What do porn & snickers have in common?

Hello boys and girls! It has definitely been a while since I last wrote anything, but I am working on an article about one crazy night that I haven't experienced in a looooong time! ;) Can't wait to share that with you all soon! :)

For now, I want to repost this article because it's such an interesting read. I also had a lot of moments of realization of things beneath the surface that we should also analyze within ourselves, and existing issues that we should face for the total wellness of our lives. 

What I love most about this article is how it taps into each and every one of us, because we all have our own choice of indulgence that could get our lives shaky if not taken into accountability and responsibility. :) Most of all, this article gives us tips on how to live a life of balance and how to find complete fulfillment and satisfaction within ourselves.

--S

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Published on August 7, 2012 by Sherry Pagoto, Ph.D.

Are we becoming a nation of pleasure junkies?

As a nation, we are becoming increasingly indulgent, whether in our consumption of food, sex, alcohol or drugs. At present, 1 in 3 adults are obese and 1 in 10 adults has a substance use (alcohol or drugs) disorder. Not to mention that junk food, alcohol, tobacco, and porn are each multi-billion dollar industries. These bullets are hard to dodge.

Why are we all becoming junkies? Three factors are converging on us. First, our brains naturally drive us to seek out pleasurable experiences. There is no changing that. Second, our stress levels are higher than ever, which weakens our self-control. Third, our environment is presenting an increasing variety and availability of pleasurable options. This represents a lethal combination of forces that are driving pleasure-seeking behavior to unprecedented levels. With primed brains weakened by stress, we succumb in a sea of instant gratification.

The unfortunate consequence is that overindulging in “extreme” pleasure is changing our brains, thereby robbing us of our ability to enjoy aspects of life that are not rocket-fueled. Our desires become increasingly insatiable and our lives increasingly unhappy.

Let's take the porn addict for instance. By frequently seeking extreme forms of sexual stimulation, the porn addict will eventually develop an inability to experience sexual pleasure from normal sexual activity; and if the habit goes long enough, an inability to experience pleasure from anything except porn. This pattern of behavior actually changes the brain’s “baseline” of what turns them on. As you can imagine, serious problems develop. First sexual problems, then relationship problems, and then work problems. Like most addicts, extreme consequences (i.e., the “rock bottom” experience) are often necessary for them to stop the behavior permanently, and then it takes a long time of consistently avoiding the stimuli for the brain to return to normal. Even small episodes of the behavior can rekindle the addiction, which is why abstinence is typically more effective than moderation.

You may think that this is an unusual case but in many ways we have become a nation of "porn" addicts when it comes to food. Junk food is the porn of our diets. The mass production of food that is high in salt, fat, and sugar is resetting our brain’s baseline for what is satisfying. One who consumes a diet high in pizza, Snickers bars, and French fries is eventually going to find natural foods such as fruit, vegetables, and whole grains, bland and unsatisfying in comparison. The landscape of their diet will gradually change in favor of the high-pleasure foods and against natural foods. Even worse, by heavily relying on highly pleasurable food as a way to deal with stress, we risk building an emotional dependence, where nothing in life feels as good as sinking your teeth into a slice of chocolate cake. Essentially we paint ourselves into a pleasure corner that seems impossible to escape.

Everyone has their vice of choice, and the irony is that we belittle others who happened to settle on a different vice, as if we are "above" the same vulnerability. The overeater looks at the porn addict in disgust, while the binge drinker looks at the binge eater in disgust. The truth is the vice itself is inconsequential. The pattern of behavior is what matters. Pleasure seeking is pleasure seeking.

Do I sound like a wet blanket? Anti-porn, anti-Snickers, and anti-booze? None of these activities is all bad, it is when we develop a relationship with life's treats that things go bad. When they become necessary, a "go to", preferred over normal life experiences, and most importantly, when we give them jobs, like stress management, boredom management, or avoidance assistant—that is when things go awry.

How do we find calm and balance in life when around every corner something is waiting to pleasure hijack us? Here are 6 strategies to protect yourself.

What's Your Pleasure? - Know what trips your pleasure system, everyone is different but we are all vulnerable. Some people can live without ever smoking or drinking, but crumble at the sight of fried food. Keep in mind though that it is all too common that successful vice ditchers often unintentionally convert to a brand new vice. Tons of ex-smokers become overeaters, and lots of gastric bypass patients take up gambling or alcohol long after their weight came off. Keep a close eye on forces that may be tugging your sleeve. Been to the casino more lately than ever? Stop.

Distress tolerance – Distress tolerance is your ability to deal with, accept and get through distressing events. I don’t mean distract from them, but to really take the hit, feel it and be able to deal with it. Low distress tolerance can lead to poor self-control when it comes to pleasure-seeking behaviors like overeating because overeating becomes part of your distress coping. On the other hand, poor self-control can lead to reduced distress tolerance because the more you seek pleasures to deal with stress, the more that pattern is reinforced. Eventually you will come to believe that you cannot handle distress without a drink or a binge. Practice experiencing distress without engaging in unhealthy behaviors. If this is difficult, it may be important to seek help to learn new healthy ways to deal with the stress in your life.

Control Availability – At any hour of the day, we can drive up to a window and order a bacon ice cream sundae, a steak and egg sandwich made with pancakes, or a Fried Snickers rolled in powdered sugar. Surely we have parallel examples in the porn world too, pick your fantasy combo. I've used this line before--we are all self control pros on a desert island. Create a personal environment in which you do not feel your self-control is threatened. Think of it this way: If you don’t control what you have access to, what you have access to will control you.

Variety is the Spice of...Trouble – Studies on appetite show that variety is strongly associated with overconsumption. You will eat more at a buffet than you will when meatloaf is the only thing on the table. In neither scenario will you leave hungry but in one you will leave regretful. In other words, avoid the buffets of life. Don’t create one at home and don’t visit them outside of the home.

Find Your Calm – Mindfulness meditation, exercise, knitting, reading, your best friend, the great outdoors…could be anything. Experiment with a variety of natural sources of calm to find the ones that work for you. By having a vast arsenal of healthy calming strategies in your pocket, you avoid becoming enslaved by the unhealthy ones. If you’ve been at the mercy of some powerful but unhealthy “calmers” it may take some time for natural calms to feel like enough.

No Time Like Now- I spent several years working in a smoking cessation program, and smokers who would join but seemed reticent, would often say, “I’m not ready to quit now, maybe I’ll come back in a few months.” The longer your vice holds you captive, the tighter its grip. It will never be easier to quit as it will be today.


Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shrink/201208/what-do-porn-and-snickers-have-in-common
Photos: Tumblr

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Truths for Fat People

We stumbled upon this blog post and we just want to share with you these awesome realities that we all tend to forget because of the limiting standards the society has created.

Ladies, as we start this year fresh, let's all throw away the lies and start embracing these truths. Happy new year, everyone! :)

1. You are beautiful. Not always and not to everyone, but we are all beautiful and deserving of love.
2. You do not have justify your body to anyone. Not to your family, your friends, your doctor, your partners. It is your body. No one else’s.
3. You are allowed to take up space. Use the world around you to your advantage. Be present in the world in as much space as you need to feel comfortable and safe.
4. You are more than your body. You have emotional, spiritual, and mental worth. People might see your body first, but everything else about you matters just as much.
5. You are allowed to change your body if you want to. You can gain or lose weight if it is your choice to do so. No one should shame you for either choice. You are also allowed to keep your body exactly the way it is right now, in this moment.
6. You are allowed to be angry over fatphobia. You do not have to sit quietly and let those around you make you feel bad for your size. You can be angry, resentful, hurt, sad. You can speak out against fatphobia. You can reject diet and weight loss talk if you do not want to hear it.
7. You can use the word fat. If you feel fat, you can use the word fat. You can reclaim it as a positive. You can use fat as a descriptor. No one can tell you that you are too small to use it. If it is part of who you are, do what’s best for you.
8. You can love other fat people. You can make fat and fat ally communities. You can surround yourself with positive forces. You can make fat love. You can fat love yourself.
9. You can wear what you want. Crop tops and short shorts. Mumus. Tutus and ties. It is up to you. Don’t let societal pressures like ‘flattering’ dictate your outfits. [HELL YEAH!!!]
10. You can be fat. That is good. That is okay. That is a celebration.

(Source: femmesandfamily.tumblr.com)

Peace and body love! ♥

A Repost: Helpful Tips: How not to be a boorish body-policing jerk.

I am always in awe (a little bit envious) of how friggin' smart Lesley Kinzel is. You may have noticed the other posts where I've quoted her and reblogged some of her previous works here. She's the mind-candy behind the awesome blog.twowholecakes.com (formerly fatshionista.com) and every post I read written by her never fails to make me nod in agreement with her insights. Here's something she wrote on the 22nd of March, and I just want to share this all with you because I know that you, our dear readers, will assent on how sensible and practical her points are, or maybe even give you a surge of realizations that will hit you bull's eye.

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Last week, a few of you alerted me to an article: The moments that make us fat, by CNN Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen. I’m certain Elizabeth Cohen is a nice lady whose intentions are only positive, and yet, this little bit of health-writing fluff has made a whole bunch of people very angry. The story takes form as a collection of scenarios—the “problems”—followed by suggestions for dealing with them—the “solutions”—in ways that, ostensibly, won’t make you fat.

Aye, Cap’n, thar be a blockquote on th’ horizon:

Think through your day, and you’ll see [the moments of fatness], as big and obvious as a hot fudge sundae sitting right in front of you. You’ve been good all day, and wham, your friends suggest you go to a buffet for dinner; or you’ve diligently worked out and wham, you end up at a cocktail party with an array of the most killer desserts ever.

[...]

The key is to accept the fact that your willpower will run out at some point, and plan strategies to get you through fattening situations. Here are the top five moments that make you fat, and what you can do to outwit them.

All right. So Cohen proceeds to list “moments” that are pretty broad, and solicits expert advice on how to respond to them, the sum total of which is “eat right and exercise.” Thank the maker someone finally wrote such an article! With Cohen covering the fat waterfront, I feel free to explore an analogous series of moments that we should watch out for—I daresay moments against which we must guard all the more vigilantly, if we are to get through life as kind and thoughtful human beings. I’ve therefore taken Elizabeth Cohen’s headings for her ”moments that make us fat” and given them new context. Let’s see what happens.

I hereby present: The moments that make us body-policing assholes.

On vacation

The problem: You’re saved all year and finally the time has come! You’re off the plane and hitting the beach for a well-deserved rest. But wait, what’s that? Check out that fat lady in the bikini! Gross! What the hell makes her think she can wear that? What gives her the right to ruin your beach view with her disgusting body? Your initial inclination is to make eye contact with someone else—anyone else—and share a laugh over the fat woman’s utter cluelessness.

The solution: Fat ladies save all year for vacation too. Don’t waste your energy getting all worked up over someone else’s body shape or size, and don’t make comments to your neighbor, as you may embarrass the woman, or at least you will make a public display of what an asshole you are. Either admire her courage, or turn to look in another direction.

After a break-up

The problem: You were dumped by your boyfriend, and you’ve recently spotted him out with a woman whose bra size dwarfs yours by half the alphabet. When a friend asks how you’re coping, your first thought is to describe the new girlfriend as a shallow slut with implants larger than her brain, and to surmise that your ex is only using her for sex.

The solution: You don’t actually know if those are implants, for one. Furthermore, you don’t know that said woman is sexually promiscuous, and even if she is, being promiscuous isn’t an appropriate thing to judge a woman for anyway. Women with bodacious proportions have to deal with these assumptions all the time, and you’re not helping matters by piling on. Be mad at your piece of shit ex-lover if you want, but leave his new ladyfriend out of it.

A party with fabulous food

The problem: You’re on a diet, but your BFF Esmeralda is throwing her annual bash for National Handwriting Day! (This is a real thing; I looked it up.) You get to her apartment and there are writing-implement-themed hors d’oeuvres as far as the eye can see, not to mention vast stretches of sheet cake decorated to look like looseleaf paper. The other guests are digging in, and all you can think about is your diet. Damn, you should tell them about your diet!

The solution: Don’t tell them about your diet. Nobody wants to hear about your diet. The sole exception to this rule is other people who are also on diets, who may enjoy commiserating with you about how hungry you both are. Forcing calorie counts and food guilt on people who are having a good time is just rude. Keep your constant internal tally of carbs or calories or “points” to yourself.

Watching TV

The problem: It’s Wednesday night, and you know what that means: time for your favorite reality show, Fat Teenaged Pregnant Little People Who Are Getting Married and Didn’t Know They Were Pregnant.* You’re settled on the couch, but you can’t stop thinking about the one-third-full can of Pringles in the kitchen. You’re a disgusting pig if you let yourself eat them after 8pm! And now that you think of it, you didn’t work nearly hard enough on the elliptical trainer earlier today. Your dimply saddlebag thighs will never be in shape for swimsuit season at this rate, and you’ll have to spend another summer refusing to take off your sarong at the beach.

The solution: Eat the Pringles, if you really want them. Your thighs are fine. No, really, no matter what they look like: they’re fine. Trust me, you will never lie on your deathbed thinking, “I wish I’d berated myself more for not looking like a photoshopped-to-perfection model in a lingerie ad,” but you might think, “I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time worrying about what my thighs look like, when I could have been lying by the ocean and enjoying the sunshine.”

At a buffet, or a restaurant with enormous portions

The problem: You hate this inexpensive buffet restaurant, but your friend—who is a little on the girthy side—absolutely loves it. And you’ve noticed that a substantial number of the families eating here also tend toward the corpulent. These other patrons always look sloppily dressed to you, and it seems like your friend always takes one more pass at the buffet than you do. Maybe it hasn’t occurred to your friend that this restaurant is the source of her fatness! Maybe you should tell her!

The solution: Fat people aren’t homogeneously stupid. There are lots of reasons why fat people might be eating at a buffet. For example, given that fatness is more common at lower socioeconomic levels, it’s possible that this buffet is a cost-effective means of feeding a family enough for the better part of the day. One of the less likely reasons is that they simply enjoy shoveling unlimited volumes of food into their cavernous maws. If you’re curious as to why your friend prefers the restaurant, ask her. If you truly hate it, suggest that the two of you trade off choosing where to eat when you see each other. If you really are her friend, you’ll be willing to go to her choice of restaurant now and then. Also, if you really are her friend, you don’t want to bum her out by forcing her to discuss her body size and eating habits if she doesn’t want to, so don’t condemn her favorite buffet or suggest that eating elsewhere might be “healthier” or would lead to weight loss.

In summation, the cardinal rule for avoiding the moments that make us body-policing assholes is: Don’t comment on other people’s bodies or eating habits, not to them, not to people they know, not to strangers who may be nearby. If it would bother you to hear it said about yourself, don’t say it to someone else.

—

* Copyright Marianne Kirby, who dreamed up this show title a couple months back during an especially sarcastic chat conversation about cable channel TLC.

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Keep loving thy awesome self,
Stacy

A Repost: ENDING NEGATIVE SELF TALK

A repost from Medicinal Marzipan.

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Now. This is a bit of a healthy living blogger hot topic BUT one that I have never addressed directly, though presumably one could infer by the content of my writing that I am firmly and staunchly against negative self talk.

There are two major reasons for engaging in this type of behavior. Both are insidious and demand our complete and utter attention.

1. Lack of self esteem

When you feel badly about yourself, and are frequently stewing deep in self loathing and shame, negative talk becomes a natural and easy part of your everyday dialogue, both with yourself and with others. You are simply repeating out loud the constant babble of your broken heart and lack of self worth – I’m ugly. I’m fat. No one will ever love me. You should SEE the size of my thighs. I can’t believe I ate that. I don’t deserve the same opportunities as everyone else. I’m worthless.

When this internal monologue is a part of your daily existence, you are likely apologizing for your size/lack of experience/insert reason here from the very moment that you enter a room, quickly moving to “point out the obvious” that of course you assume everyone else must be thinking.

When I was wrapped up in self-doubt and anxiety, I feel as though I had to constantly compensate for my fat body but saying yes when I wanted to say no, making myself small physically and intellectually, and keeping my opinions to a dull roar. I felt like the quieter and smaller I could make myself, the less people around me would be offended by the magnitude of my body and the less they would tease or judge me for it.

I would engage in negative self talk, because I truly believed that I was worthless and I was reaching out for someone to make me better/thinner/smarter/prettier. Or at least for someone to commiserate with.

2. Easy topic of conversation

We are taught to downplay our successes. We are taught that women who are beautiful and lesscomplicated are the ones that boys want to make their girlfriends. We are taught to relate to one another by pointing out our flaws.

How many conversations have you had in your life, where you were casually mentioning successes and strengths?

Perhaps a few.

How many conversations have you had that were based in negative talk? Read: I’m so fat. I simply HAVE to lose twenty pounds. TOMORROW I’m starting a workout routine – have you seen my cellulite?

I am willing to bet my weight in gold that you can recollect a million of these conversations. Or perhaps you cannot even recollect them because they come so easily that they are a part of your ordinary interaction with other women. This is the way that we are taught to communicate with one another. Downplay successes. Focus on flaws. Point out our weaknesses. It is a common ground upon which relationships are formed. Hell – it is common ground upon which many web communities are built.

Why it must end.

When you talk negatively about yourself, your words are powerful. Even if you don’t “really believe” what you are saying and you are just trying to relate to your friends, every time you say something mean about yourself I truly believe it is logged somewhere deep in your heart. The more that you participate in this type of behavior – the sooner you will find yourself believing in your words.

Words are powerful. Thoughts become things.

When you choose to end negative self talk, the reverse it true. Every time you actively deny your instinct to put yourself down, or to say something nice about yourself, you are working to unravel the lifetime of negativity surrounding your self image. When you say nice things, someday you may wake up to find that you are actually BELIEVING all of the sweet and wonderful things that you are saying about yourself. And how wonderful will that be??

What To Do When Your Friends Are Brainwashed

I'm reposting this from www.thedemoiselles.com, an article written by Lindsay. It's full of wonderful tips on how to subtly nudge your friends when they've turned into zombies (this is what my professor calls people who just goes and follows the bandwagon), getting sucked into all the hype/principles the media create. :D

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Everyone is “guilty “of telling at least one off-color joke in their lives. Everyone has poked fun at a friend or relative (hopefully in good nature). We’ve all participated in gentle jesting at the expense of others – whether we know them or not.

The line is blurry when it comes to “good-natured” when we start projecting our jests onto strangers. By-passers, friend-of-a-friends, that one girl from high school… enemies… This gets particularly difficult when you’re surrounded by your hilarious, quick-witted, love-’em-to-death friends and family.

This is something that I’ve been doing some considerable thinking on lately. I constantly have to remind myself that the people I interact with on a daily basis… don’t spend 3+ hours of their day reading studies on body image and its connections to advertising and women’s issues.

Because beauty ideals have been promoted via advertising for decades, even our parents have the ideas of “perfection” programmed into their minds. In fact, if it weren’t for our parents’ generation, would the entire anti-aging industry even be able to survive? I don’t think so.

But I digress… What happens when you begin to notice the injustice of gender-focused advertising and beauty ideals… but your friends don’t? You start to notice each time they point out not just their own flaws, but other people’s. You’ll notice, too, that most of the time – they don’t even notice. In fact, they often point out others’ flaws in a compliment.

“She’s so gorgeous! Man, 10 more pounds and she could be a movie star.”

“Ohh, she looks so pretty – too bad she had a breakout on her chin.”

“That dress is lovely, if only it didn’t make her thighs look so big.”

All good-natured, all generally positive – to the brainwashed ear. Those of us who have been woken up in terms of meta-messages know that all of the “conditional” elements of these “compliments” are directly related to beauty standards.

This technically qualifies as “bullying” – something that has been brought into the public eye a bit more lately. The strange thing about this brand of bullying, however, is that it’s totally indirect. It’s a product of media brainwashing that has been occurring for years.

So what do you do when your friends are brainwashed? You don’t want to smack them in the face with the body image & media standard bible, but you want to let them know that the girl on the corner isbeautiful in that dress, and the dress is lovely – and so are her thighs. Skin breaks out – it’s what it does! – and that woman is still stunning, regardless. Those ten pounds make that women as gorgeous as she is, she doesn’t need to do anything.

So how do you approach it without sounding like a crazy conspiracy-theorist, or offending those who are closest to you? Here are some tips that I’ve picked up along the way:

• Try not to embarrass them or make them feel badly for what they’ve said – that will make them feel awkward, and they may not be ready to listen to what you’re saying.
• When someone says something negative about someone else’s “imperfect” body – gently counter the statement, and a little minor self-deprecation may help to get the point across. “Hmm… I think her skin is lovely! I broke out last week on my forehead, it was lame but I still looked damn good. [insert cheeky smile] She’s super hot!”
• Don’t jump extremes! Leave the “At least she’s not _____”!” alone, and try to encourage appreciation of people’s features – regardless of what their “flaw” is.
• Don’t forget those who are closest to you: When your friends point out their own flaws, reinforce your position on self-love by negating their self-criticism and telling them that they’re still lovely.
• State your intention as your own personal project – “You know… I’m going to try to start appreciation people’s bodies however they look. Everyone is gorgeous! What do you guys think?” This takes the pressure off your friends and, because they know your intentions, it won’t be a surprise when you point out their comments in the future.

Dear Fat Girl

A heartwarming, encouraging letter to all beautiful fatties.

Written by Bri King of Fat Lot of Good. :)

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Dear Fat Girl,

Yes, I called you ‘fat girl’. I used *that* word. Fat. Three little letters. They don’t have to hurt but of course they have hurt you a lot in the past. Those three little letters have been akin to being stabbed over and over again, especially when they were used in that nasty taunting sing song way by the Principal’s daughter and her cronies.

F-AAAAAAAA-T

F-AAAAAAA-TSO

And of course it was unfortunate that the first syllable of your surname at the time actually rhymed with ‘fat’ and so you became known as ‘Fat-field’ rather than by your proper name. And I am sure you remember when the teacher asked you what your name meant and you (mistakenly) said it meant ‘lily’ and almost instantaneously, the Principal’s daughter remarked ‘Must be a fat lily’. That girl always had a smart mouth hurtful remark ready and waiting. But you know as well as I do that she was threatened by you. You were as smart, or smarter, than her. You were her competition and she wanted to beat you into submission. And she did to an extent, with her words. Despite the fact that teachers and your parents regularly told you that ‘sticks and stones would break your bones but names would never hurt you’. you know that names *do* hurt you. They smart. They ache. They can rip your heart out and stamp your soul into the ground. And that girl knew it.

But you are ok with the word ‘fat’ now. Most of the time anyway. You know you are fat. Those three little letters can pass your lips in regards to yourself without great dollops of self loathing piled on top. Most of the time anyway. Other days we both know that you, my dear fat girl, still have body image issues. You try to keep it on the down low but I know you still have days when you look at your naked reflection and feel nothing but disgust. I know you have real issues with the way your tummy sags and especially with those ‘handles’ on the side of stomach, coming down from your hips. I know you have a love/hate relationship with that expanse of flesh and fat. And you thought I wouldn’t notice but I also know that now summer is coming, you are dreading the increased risk of chub-rub and that shorter skirts and less layers scare the crap out of you. Don’t deny it, cos I know it is true.

But you know what, fat girl?

Rationally, you know that your body has and can do amazing things. You know your tummy sags like that mostly because of your last pregnancy and the extent to which that baby girl stretched your tummy muscles and skin. You know why you have gained weight, not that it matters how or why. You know this, even though that knowledge doesn’t really help on the days you dip your toes in the pool of self loathing. Rationally you know this line of thought is not helpful, and that in some cases it is not even true. You know there are so many things you are good at, you know you are a worthwhile person, you know that you contribute. But it’s hard when you spent 33 years hating yourself. It’s hard to suddenly be all sunshine and roses towards yourself when you spent most of your life hating on yourself so hard. If it took 33 years to get to that level of hatred, how long might it take to get to a similar level of self acceptance? Fat girl, I don’t really have an answer you on that one. Some days are better than others. Sometimes weeks, even months, pass and you are able to remember and truly know that you rock. Other times the days and weeks are dark and dripping with strands of self loathing that wrap themselves around you and drag you unwillingly into the abyss of worthlessness. But fat girl, you know your way out of that hole. You have been there before and you have climbed out, time and time again.Fat girl, try to remember you are not alone in this journey. There are hands there reaching out to you, there are fatties lined up to hoist you out of that hole of self hatred.

Fat girl, you are worth it. You mean so much to so many people. You have so much to give. Your time isn’t done with yet, there is so much more to come. Hang in there fat girl, fight the good fight and don’t let the bastards get you down. This is the body you have. Make friends with it. Take yourself on a trip and spend some time with this body you have spent so much time hating on. Get to know it. See how it goes. No one is saying you will become BFF with your body overnight but you might at least be able to declare some sort of truce, some sort of amnesty. Try and remember it is going to take some time to change 33 years of thinking. Be nice to your body, it deserves some lovin’.

Most of all, fat girl, be nice to yourself. You deserve it. You aren’t a bad person, you are a fat person. Fat doesn’t mean you are good or bad, it just means you are fat. Those three little letters. F-A-T. Just another way of describing your physical presence in the world. Not so different to ‘tall’, ‘short’, ‘brunette’ or ‘shortsighted’. Those letters, F-A-T, don’t tell the world anything about you other than that you are of size. But you know what, *everyone* is ‘of size’. Some of us are just a bigger size. And so the hell what? Size doesn’t define you. It is just one of a million things about you and if other people can’t see past that then bigger fool them.

Fat girl, try not to be so hard on yourself. You have got this far. There were times you didn’t think you could go on but look at you now. Look at all the things you have achieved. Look at the people who love you and want you in their lives. They don’t care if you are fat, they care about *you*. You might not be able to be proud of your rolls every day, you might not even be able to tolerate them some days but that’s ok. Self acceptance is a long hard journey. Our world doesn’t teach us to accept and love ourselves, it teaches us to hate ourselves so some corporate bastard can then make money out of us by peddling products that are meant to make us ‘better’ , ‘worthier’ and ‘more attractive’. Fat girl, I call bullshit on that. You are good enough just the way you are. You are loved just the way you are.

Just the way you are.

Remember it (there will be a test later).

Much love,

The Voice of Reason